Friday, June 12, 2009

God is my Teacher

It seems to me that God has led me the full circle.
All my life I have had pivotal verses that seemed pertinent in different seasons; verses that I have mulled over and made my own as God has taught me.
I can become very possessive of these verses. They are so personal, I view them as mine. I would be most put out if a preacher pulled one out and destroyed all the beauty and fragrance of it with a heartless dissection of its theological merits or put a different slant on it than my Lord had put on it for me!
I would like to think I have grown and matured. But now I find myself led back to verses and passages that stir memories of past lessons, and past mullings, verses that I burrowed into, that I dwelt on.
Maybe this is a recap of grade one. Maybe this is my review. Oh, how dearly I want to hold onto those precious lessons! How many have I let slip? How much I want to ascend to grade two!

Therefore we ought to give the more earnest heed to the things which we have heard, lest at any time we should let them slip.

I am awed anew at the goodness and mercy of God.

Isaiah asks pitifully, almost fearfully, “Wilt thou refrain thyself for these things (our iniquities), O LORD? wilt thou hold thy peace, and afflict us very sore?”

The chapter ends there. The question appears unanswered. And it cannot but occur to one that He has every right to answer in the affirmative; every right to be indignant, angry, vengeful.

I have been brought back to one of the earliest of my dwelling passages, one of the ones that started me on my walk with God.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I used to pray it. Often.

I have been challenged to do so again.

What is more remarkable is that the preacher who pulled this verse out revived in me so much of the old feelings that used to surround this verse before he even mentioned it. He maintained the poignant fragrance these verses had for me.


“Search me, O God…”

How frightened I used to be of God’s relentless inspection, but how badly I wanted Him to do it! I felt like a child in a crowd of grown-ups around an important person. How I wanted Him to notice me, and how afraid I was that He would!

And now… dare I believe it? Has He seen me?